The Melancholy of Cecilie the Seer
by Cearbhail
Summary: For years I've struggled with the knowledge that I was going to die. I just...accepted it. And now, I'm only minutes away. The Thalmor will kill me and it will bring about a dark age that follows. Oh well, that's life, I guess.
1. Ch 1: Her past

**Cearbhail: **_Ok, for anyone reading this.. This is a one-shot story. For anyone who's read only this story and is unfamiliar with how I do things...please don't give me hate mail. This story is just a bonus story to tie in everything thing else I'm writing. This individual story is about one of my main characters and her tragic past. It's always been hinted in my other works, but I never actually put it down on paper. Well, this is it. And the only reason this story arc exists is because it belongs to a much bigger picture. There will be a second story that parallels this one. and things will go..a little differently. Actually, very differently. Major changes in every stroy I've writen for this series._

_So, with all that knowledge, either stop reading this now, or enjoy. Your choice. But regardless, Change will happen._

* * *

_Dear journal,_

_Cecilie, I'm sorry. I tried my best. You were born only a few days ago, but I'm so weak. I fear that this is the last time I'll write in my journal. You asked me a question a long time ago, when you traveled back in time as a little girl. But then you disappeared and never returned before I could give you an answer. So, I'll record it here, in this journal. I figure since my time is upon me, this is the last chance I'll get to say what it was that you wanted to know._

_You are a bastard child. Asger and I did not get married before you were born. It's not his fault, nor mine. We were split apart by the hands of fate. That damn Alduin kept us apart while Asger had to jump through some portal to Sovngarde. Since only Asger can go through the portal to Sovngarde, I could not follow him. When Asger came back from Sovngarde, he had changed. He wasn't the same. Like he lost his will to live. He didn't react to us the same way. We were just things now, things that talked and needed responded to when we asked him questions. Didn't matter, I was still pregnant with you. Anyway, I don't know why it matters to you so much to know this. You are still his child, you still have his blood. You're still a Shouter. Whether legitimate or not, you are still related to the High King, making you the princess._

_But, I can see how this will affect your future. Even now, the Thalmor are responding to the crowning of a new High King. I was not able to attend; this disease has taken my ability to walk. I'm sorry that I failed to become something more than just a housecarl. I'm sorry that you'll be forced to live without your mother. I wish I could continue living, but I can already feel my strength…_

_…_

I closed the journal, my eyes feeling heavy. 18 years ago, my mother wrote her last journal entry. I was only a week old when she passed away. Growing up, I always wondered what she looked like. Ruby had always told me that I had her hair, face, and eyes, but I had my father's smile and spirit (back before he became a husk). That was nice of her to tell me these things, but I still wanted her here…with me. My father paid little to no attention to me, and Ruby was the only person who actually took good care of me. My mother named her my housecarl right before she passed away. Ever since then, her and her boyfriend Maleek took care of me.

My father wasn't exactly a fun guy. No, I take that back, no hesitation needed. He is NOT a fun guy. He took his job as High King seriously, but he neglected me. He seemed to see me, but at the same time, it was like I wasn't there. He attended the normal functions: going to sleep, waking up, eating. Growing up as a child with him around wasn't easy. I always wanted him to play with me, to talk to me, to do something with me. If I ever tried to talk to him, he wouldn't answer (and if he did, it was vague and disinteresting). If I ever tried to play with him, he would push me away. One time I jumped up to give him a hug. He grabbed onto me and passed me off to Ruby telling her, "Keep her busy." If it hadn't been for my housecarl, Ruby, and her daughter, Ja'rinqa watching over me all the time, keeping me entertained, I think I might have become depressed or something. Well, more depressed. Child neglect is pretty bad and I tried on numerous occasions to run away. Ruby or Maleek would always find me, though. Sometimes it would be Ruby's best friend, Asshana (whenever she was in town at least).

I was a curious girl growing up. Not just the whole 'Ooh, a knife, I wonder what happens if I poke my eye with it' curious, the more dangerous kind of dangerous. 'Playing with magics that no one understood' dangerous. Up until my sixth birthday, Ruby kept a close eye on me, keeping me within Solitude at all times. I kept hearing talk of the Thalmor but I was far too young to understand it. Or how it would change my life.

A few months past my sixth birthday, my life changed forever. One morning, Ruby wasn't around to watch me. I didn't understand it at the time, but something happened to her friend Asshana and she needed to leave for a second. She called for Maleek, but he was late to showing up. So, curious as ever (and a little upset by my father's growing negligence), I snuck into his bedroom. Behind a beautiful case I saw a shiny sparkling scroll with dragons on the sides of the handles. I was getting used to reading magic tomes that Ruby shared with me, and I could feel magics I've never felt before vibrating off of the scroll. I had to read it. So, naturally, I grabbed my father's scroll and ran up to my bedroom to read it (being really sneaking about it).

When I opened it, I was welcomed with a sudden flash of knowledge and foresight…and hindsight. Images flashed through my mind, years and years of everything you could possibly think about became coherent in my mind. But, it took my actual sight away. It was sudden too. Once the images faded from my mind, and was replaced with knowledge of things that six year olds couldn't/shouldn't know, but it took my sight away that very second. It was like an instant maturity pill. I suddenly knew why father was the way he was. All that disappointment in him, subtle anger, was replaced with pity and mild respect. He sacrificed his soul to kill Alduin. He did it because he loved us, because he wanted to protect us. The husk that existed now was a version of my father without a true soul. All logic and no emotion, no love. It was sad. I wish I could apologize to him but knowing what I knew, it wouldn't have done me any good anyway. It would be received on dead ears (almost literally).

My blindness was not easy to adjust to. I had to stumble around blind for a couple days with Maleek leading me around. My father didn't even notice my sudden white eyes. He didn't ask, and he didn't care. He only ever talked to me, acknowledged my presence when I asked him a question. When he replied, it was dry, emotionless. I read about just what my father was like. He was the most enjoyable person alive. So, what happened? Seeing flashes of knowledge about how the world and fate had played themselves in my family's past and why wasn't enough, though. I wanted the see and witness it for myself. I wanted to see the way my father used to be. I heard he was one of the craziest people around. Ruby won't stop talking about the adventures she shared with him, or my mother. I loved hearing about their crazy adventures. I would sit on Ruby's lap and try to picture my mother and father as they did their crazy day-to-day life. It was the only heaven I had.

A few days of being blind passed and things started happening. It was subtle, but it was there. Small flashes of instances where stubbing my toe would have been too easy was avoided, or smashing my nose on an open cupboard door. My hand would snatch out after my mind told me something was there and I would duck under or over or even across something in my way. It was like I could see. I could 'feel' the things around me. It was weird, but I did not think anything of it. I thought I was just finally adjusting to being blind. Finding the bathroom on my own was a victory in of itself. A week later, when I woke up, the world appeared around me at all angles. It was a sudden shift. I could see everything. As I turned my head, the images shifted in a circle. A full circle of stuff I could see. Not limited to just the front like everyone is with eyes. I could see _EVERYTHING_. I knew what was forward, what was back, what was up, and what was down. At the same time, I could see my body, the inside of it, the outside. It appeared in real colors, underlying invisible colors (auras, energy), and an astral blue for everything hidden in the dark.

I couldn't handle it at first. It was very disorienting. I could not handle seeing behind me, let alone above and below me as well. I stumbled so much, carefully putting my feet down because I could barely tell where they touched on the ground. Then, it started affecting my brain. I got headaches from processing too much information. Then there was the fact that closing my eyes didn't get rid of the images. I lost sleep over it. You close your eyes to sleep, to rest your eyes, to rest your mind from seeing things all the time. I didn't get to do that anymore. I didn't sleep. After four days, I thought I was going crazy. Maleek did everything he could but he was only an Argonian assassin. When Ruby finally returned from her quest, she was very angry with me for going through my father's stuff and playing with magic I knew I wasn't ready for. That didn't stop her from doing what she did best…fix my mistakes. She did everything she could to help me get rid of the headaches and the weird vision. What she ended up with was a special circlet. It subdued the headaches and allowed some of the images to vanish. Now my new vision was only excluded to when my eyes were opened and what was directly in front of me. Like normal eyes. Yeah, it was like I could see normally. I could finally sleep again.

A couple weeks later, the new 'sight' developed. I could control it, even with the circlet on. I could see behind me like my eyes were back there. I played with it, even to where I kept it up all day. I got used to it enough that it didn't give me headaches anymore. I actually enjoyed it. Seeing through floors and watching my father sit on the throne from my bed was oddly exciting. Imagine all the sneaking I could do, all the running away I could do, if I knew where everyone was. No one would ever see me, if I knew where they were. But, when I got used to that new sight… things started getting complicated again. Flashes of emotions, energies, bodies, started surfacing in my mind. Things that hadn't happened yet. The first time it happened, I could hear and feel Ruby walk through my door with breakfast. I turned to call her in, but when I said something to her, she didn't reply. I sat there for a while wondering why she didn't come in until I heard her knock and say what she said to me a minute ago. I called her in again and this time she walked in with my breakfast. I figured it out eventually. I was seeing the future.

By the time I was ten, I had fully mastered my new sight. It wasn't sight anymore. Like when I first glanced upon my father's elder scroll, I started seeing the past. Not my parent's past, _the_ past. I could actually gaze into the past, like I was standing there, looking at it happen, but not a part of it. All I had to do was meditate and focus on what I wanted to see and then it would form in my mind. Then it would consume all my senses and I would feel as if I was there, only separate from the vision. So, with my new gift, I directed my focus to points in time where my favorite journals and stories spoke of legends. One of my favorite tales was about Erandur and the 4th Battlemage Brigade. Ruby often told me about her ancestor, Nisha and her brother Vatu. They fought alongside this Altmer, Erandur. They were teenagers that were recruited during the beginning of the Aedra War. Erandur led his team through the thickest of battles, never losing one battle, and gained so much. He was so brave that it made me want to meet him. I wanted to know what type of guy he was. When I read about it, I would look into the past and 'see' him right as he made the calls. There was always something about him that I liked. I just wanted to reach out and…I don't know, talk to him. Ask him questions. I wanted his knowledge. I had a reason.

Along with the ability to gaze into past, some darker things started happening as well. Dreams, nightmares, and other stuff started creeping in. With great magic comes great corruption. Visions of the future dominated my dreams. Visions of the Aldmeri Dominion started creeping into my mind. Visions of them taking over Skyrim, killing the High King…me…and everyone in any royal clan. Everyone who stood up to them was killed. And these dreams started when I was eight. Every night the same dreams. The Altmer with dark robes and sharp teeth would bite me, rip my throat out, and then laugh over my disposing corpse. The pain, the numbness, the feeling of there being a hole in my throat…it was real to me. Every night…every night for two years straight. These visions were so dark that I woke up vomiting from fear. Sometimes I woke up believing I was dead. Ruby did everything she could but it didn't help. By the time I learned how to look into the past, I was already looking for inspiration to keep me strong. Erandur was a great source of inspiration for me. He survived the darkest of days and made sure all his closest friends survived too. If he were my friend…he'd protect me as well. I would be safe.

There was something good though. I was too afraid to look into the future. I knew that nothing good waited for me there, so I refused to look for it. I tried to close myself out. Ruby became so paranoid about my dreams that she dedicated her guild designed for crystal magic studying to becoming my personal bodyguards. Her healing guild turned into a version of the old Blades. She designed new weapons, new armor, and repurposed her entire guild to nothing but becoming warrior shamans. It was kind of her, but it didn't stop the nightmares. But it did change my dreams a little. It was small, but there was a light. A bright light but…it so far into that future that it didn't keep me safe from dying. But it was there. It was caused by a Shoutman by the name of Bloodstain. When I died, the world became a shadow. A shadow owned by vampires. But…this Bloodstain. I don't know. He brought the light back. I could see it. It gave me hope. If only he existed in my time, he would help give me hope too. Help keep me feeling protected and safe. He did what no one could do. He stood against the fallen darkness, pushing it away, reclaiming Skyrim. Later reclaiming the whole world. He kept it safe his whole life. I needed him as badly as I needed Erandur.

Dreams of me being killed continued to fill my mind while I slept. Every night I'd wake up screaming, grabbing my sheets. My new best friend, Ja'rinqa, started sleeping in my room. She was three years younger than me but she was one of the closest friends I had. Ruby actually moved her into my room to keep me calm at night. And it helped, but only after I woke up. But then, the dream changed. Now, I saw the mental image of a vampiric Altmer ripping my throat out, but only after he killed my new friend first. Ja'rinqa bravely stood in front of me, holding a crystal dagger. Then there's some sickening sound and she…just falls down. All I saw was some hand-cannon in his hand. It was only after she was killed that he comes after me. She was my last hope, my last attempt to live and…she dies right in front of me. Waking up from those dreams with Ja'rinqa shaking me only made me cry and hug her. I screamed at her to forgive me. She always reassured me that she wouldn't let it happen. But…somehow I know…I know she doesn't understand what I do. Those dreams scared me to death for three years.

By the time I was eleven, I was so numb that I almost didn't care about anything anymore. I had lost all my hope. The dreams stopped bothering me. They still came, but now it was like 'oh, I died again. Oh look, Ruby was decapitated. Oh well'. They never really stopped and they only evolved to become more sickening, but I did find the hope I was looking for. Something I could do to change who I was. Something I could do to change our fates. The day when I found out a spell that allowed me to teleport, I had some degree of hope. A spell that allowed me to travel through time and space. A spell I could use to fix what didn't need to happen. I thought about how I could use it, but really, what did you think I thought of doing first? I decided I could use it to see my father and mother before she died. Back when times were fun and enjoyable.

Where did I find this spell? I found it in the elder scroll that I stole from my dad. I was looking for answers, answers that I knew this scroll had. It knew everything and I was already blind. What more could it do to me? While the scroll didn't immediately show me anything, I did receive a vision of the first Psijic monks developing the spell of teleportation. The mechanics behind it, how it worked. Everything. Akatosh had given the spell to the Psijics so that they could protect the multi-dimensions when they were needed. And now, their spell would help me. Help me end these nightmares once and for all. But even though I knew the spell, I didn't use it. I was afraid of messing it up and getting lost somewhere in time I didn't want to be. It was a very precise spell and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. But, just the thought of me knowing it, knowing that it existed as an option, gave me a smile I lost a year ago.

Speaking of my father, there was some bad news. A few months before my eleventh birthday, he passed away. He was involved with some experiment with the College in Winterhold. All I knew about the experiment was that it involved taking some of his dragon blood and giving it to people with similar genetic codes. It was a way to create more Dragonborns. Well, we called them 'dragonbloods'. The experiment was successful, but it had some darker effect on my dad. He grew sick. He died a couple months later, just two months before my birthday.

My father's death led me to the decision on leaving my time for a while. While he never paid attention to me, it still hit me hard. I had lost _both _of my parents. And while Ruby was like a mother to me, and Ja'rinqa like a sister, I…I couldn't stay. I didn't care if the spell didn't work, if I just died trying it. I had to leave. I had to try. On my eleventh birthday, I used that spell. And it worked. I traveled back in time. I did something simple to start with. I popped up during the time of the Aedra Wars and helped a skeleton reclaim his body. He was this Khajiit named J'skar and he really needed my help. Just helping him get his skin back made me feel better. But doing that alone made me realize that I could do so…much…more. I started thinking about all the things I could accomplish. All the things I wanted to see and do.

I wanted to see the Aedra War; I wanted to see a lot of stuff. More importantly, though. I wanted what was always clutched in my arms…my mother's journal. I wanted my mother, to sit in her lap, to talk to her, to hear her voice, to feel her warmth. Just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. And the journal that was clutched to my chest was very important to me. I read it every day. And finally, after realizing that I could teleport through time, I realized that her book referred to me a lot. I thought she named me after a blind girl that she knew. But after I used my third eye to look back at her, I saw something I never noticed…me. I actually traveled back in time. I had actually sat on her lap. I had calm nights wrapped in her arms. I wanted that…and I knew I could have it too. So, I had to go back. I had to see my mother. And I did. I went to see her. And my father too, but that wasn't as important.

I had a lot of fun during that year. I followed the pages that I memorized to the letter. I used my third eye to show me what would happen if I did this or if I did that, but that knowledge was so blurry that I couldn't see what it led to. So I never utilized my teleportation spell to change how events would play out. I didn't want to screw things up. If something changed, I might not be born, or someone I loved might have gotten hurt. Playing with time is scary enough, trying to change it without knowing what will happen is scarier. So, instead, I followed my actions as I saw them playing out in my mind.

But I wanted to change it, I had to remind myself. Father's spirit died in that portal and my mother died of a broken heart a few months later. The future was screwed up and it needed to be better. Even if I knew that, I didn't try to affect anything. I just did what I had already done; I repeated the same steps I saw me take in the visions. That's what made me realize that I couldn't change history. I had already lived in it, through it. I had already traveled back in time and I was still born with a dead mother and an apathetic father. I changed nothing; I was incapable of affecting change. I saw myself in the Aedra War, I read about myself sitting in my mother's lap, cooing happily at meeting her finally. I did all that, and nothing changed. I couldn't affect the future at all. It was a very sobering thought.

When I came back to my own time, only a year later, I was already immediately grabbed by Psijic monks. They actually grabbed me the second I exited the portal. They punished me for using their magic to 'change' the past, even though I did nothing but what I had seen myself do anyway. For the next few years, the Psijic monks continued to teach me the ways of their order. Apparently, just knowing how to travel in time was enough reason for them to make me one of them. They continued to shove the thought that changing the future can have dangerous results. It became a bit of a mantra for me. "Changing the past will only lead to more pain for others in the future." The Psijics did more than just push my hopes down the drain. They taught me about everything else that was wrong with me. But, they taught me how to control my powers at least. By my sixteenth birthday, I had become a Psijic monk. That didn't matter to me, though. I still couldn't change the future. The dreams of me dying still filled my mind. But now it wasn't just my death I dreamed of. It was everyone's. And…I couldn't do anything to change it.

Why does that matter? Today's the day. Today's the day I die. The Thalmor have broken through our last defenses and they are going to march up here. And then, that dream I've always feared will come to light. That vampire that I dreamt about was on his way up the stairs. Any minute now, he was going to bust though that doorway, and I was going to die.

* * *

_**Cearbhail**: This story has been upgraded dramatically. There may be more chapters following, making it longer than just two chapters. I'm not sure because I've only just remade it. Well, anyway. I hope you enjoy the following chapter(s)._


	2. Ch 2: Her present

**Cearbhail:** _Chapter two. It's been heavily detailed as compared to the last one. Still too short for my tastes. I feel like I could have turned this whole story into a much longer tale, maybe eight chapters but... eh. This will do._

* * *

"Honey, time to wake up. We need to discuss strategy with the Crimson Blades and the Shoutmen." My husband Vignar whispered through my ear as he started getting dressed.

The world started pulling on me and I found myself sitting up, rubbing my eyes. Today was the day. My dreams had pulled me through a timeline of my history, almost like I was telling a story told in my point of view. Weird, but I guess I could have dreamt about dying again. I'll take the past over today any day of the week. I don't know what my dreams were trying to tell me, but I guess my dreams wanted me to know my own past and motivations again. Sixth time this week, twentieth time this month, countless time this year. I'm sick of it, really. I'm almost thankful that today the dreams will end, for good.

I looked over to my husband to see his face contorted in an almost forced smile. He really believed that everything would be ok. I knew better. It was my morbid attitude that drew him closer to me. He believed that he could keep me safe, that he was the knight and me the damsel. I respected that, even loved that, but I don't think even he can save me. But I tried to let it comfort me. All I ever got in return was seeing how he would die: arrow to the knee and then a claymore to the head. It was a very graphic death and I hated watching it the few nights that it plays.

Even though one of my closest friends from childhood had been a suffering point for my visions, I still found a way to fall in love with him. I had been emotionally blocked until I used my spell to travel back in time to this summer vacation that I heard was wonderful. I met an Altmer named Fiirnar. He ended up being the son of the Altmer that was going to kill me. Regardless, I had a sort of…fling with this Fiirnar and it taught me how to be open with my feelings. When I returned to my real time, the way Vignar looked at me, acted towards me…I felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. It's not like I never had the dream where we were married, kissing, or anything like that. It just never connected that I _could_ feel that way towards anyone else. I thought seeing death everyday shut down my ability to feel. But I guess seeing him in this new light gave me enough reason to attempt it. It was a struggle, but it was worth it. I'm happily married and with a daughter as well. Well, as happy as I can get with death only a few hours away.

The thought of seeing him die later today threatened to pull me down and cry, but I fought that feeling. I needed to appear ready for today. I wasn't going to spend my last day on Nirn crying about how unfair my life was. I've seen the fates of others. Just for the hell of it, I looked at other people's pasts as well. I hated seeing my own death, so I looked for happier times. I found plenty who've lived full and exciting lives. I've also seen people who've made my fate seem small and easy. A lot of people had it a lot worse than I do. Some people don't get to die easily. Some get tortured for years before they are allowed to go. Some get turned into liches or vampires or thralls. Some people never get it easy. I won't even go into the ones that enter the Soul Cairn.

I brushed the blanket off of me as I started climbing out of bed. "You do know that today is the day, right?"

He nodded to me and patted the diamond sword strapped to his belt. "If by today you mean the day we kick the Thalmor out of Skyrim, then yeah…today's the day."

I scoffed at his comment and stood up. "You know that we can't stop it."

"You never know unless you try. Your fate's only set in stone if _you_ resign to it." He offered, pointing a finger at me. He grabbed me by my shoulders and gave me a light reassuring squeeze. "The Psijics chose you for a reason, Lilly. I doubt they'd teach you all they know if you were going to die here today." He pulled me in for a hug and then kissed me. When he pulled away, he said, "You'll see. Tonight, when I shove my diamond katana up that Thalmor's ass, you'll have to step in front of everyone in the castle during dinner and say the words you thought you'd never say, 'Vignar was right, I guess I won't be dying as scheduled. Fate be damned, my husband rocks'."

I chuckled a little as I punched him lightly in the arm. This was how he always tried to cheer me up. He openly defied any belief that he couldn't keep me alive today. I told him everything. Everyone in the whole castle knew what my fate was going to be by now. It was never that much of a secret, especially since I was very vocal in telling Ruby my dreams as a younger child. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and now the whole castle knows that today is the day that we all die. But they all seem to think that they can prevent it. Not a damn person in town tried to evacuate. The Crimson Blades did their part and made sure all the civilians were transported to Solstiem, where one of their leaders, Asshana, was waiting to give them her private farm for their new housing. We were ready for an invasion. We were ready for our last stand.

For the past two years, my army has been trying to prove me wrong. That it won't come to my death and Skyrim falling to the Aldmeri Dominion. Two years ago was when the fight became more than just a few outspoken disapprovals of us. Two years ago, just a few months past my sixteenth birthday, the Aldmeri Dominion unleashed the Thalmor Inquisitors. They were Orcs that were twisted with dragonblood. Those Orcs were made for the sole purpose of killing off the Jarls and the Companions. We did everything we could, but we couldn't stop them. My Aunt Ria, the Harbinger, led the Companions to war. They lost, but not before taking down a chuck of the Aldmeri Dominions' army. It made them fall back for a few days at least. Before they returned with Thalmor Inquisitors. The Companions didn't last a day. If it were not for my decision when I was fourteen, the decision to create my own special task force, a lot more places than just Whiterun would have been lost. Because the Inquisitors attacked everywhere at once. I was a little prepared, though. Just a little.

Four years ago, I used my illegitimate power as the only surviving heir of Asger the Dragonborn to create my own special task force. I was the unofficial High Queen. I called in Brelyna, my father's old advisor, mine as well, and asked her to bring the current Arch-Mage, Farengar, to me. When he arrived, I requested the use of his dragonblood serum to help me create a special unit of Shouters. He was happy to assist me in selecting viable candidates. He chose based on genetics, I chose based on spirit. Twelve of them were chosen, all of them passed. I called them the Shoutmen, purely because they were Shouters, born of dragonblood.

I only knew that this serum existed because Farengar came to me when I was twelve with the completed formula. This was almost a year after my father died. That's how long it took to complete it. Still, they needed a test subject and they thought that it would be safest to test it on a blood relative. So, I offered them my arm, under the promise that if it worked…I would be a dragonblood, not Dragonborn, but dragonblood. Same thing only mine becomes genetic. Once they injected me, I was watched for a few months, getting blood draws. It worked. As it turned out, my blood resonated perfectly with the serum. And with my genetic similarities with the serum, they found a way to make it acceptable for others with similar genes as my own. That was how the concept of the Shoutmen started.

For the past couple years, I had been using my newly named 'Shoutmen' to help me fight this war. My new Shoutmen gave themselves new names, started wearing costumes, a thing that had been created by my friend Ruby. She did that often in Solitude when she was beginning as a citizen here. We all made ourselves costumes, rushed out, and started fighting the Thalmor and their Thalmor Inquisitors. Those Inquisitors were nothing more than Orcs that they had taken against their will and injected with dragonblood. It drove them crazy but they were a directed crazy. Directed at us. But we fought them. In the first few battles, I lost four of my Shouters. Ever since then, we've been slowly losing this war. Been slowly pushed back further and further into our holds. Everyone continually shook their heads and tried to say that I was wrong, that everything would work out alright.

Well, the Thalmor Inquisitors were now a dying breed. The formula that was created from Farengar's theory was incomplete and it did not resonate completely with the Orc chemistry. Sure, it worked for Nords and other humans, but Orcs were kind of like elves. And that means that they have somewhat different spirits. The Inquisitors only lived a short two years before they started dying. I think there are only a few dozen left and they're so weak that all my fighters can brush through them. With Windhelm gone by a last ditch effort by the Thalmor over their dying warriors, they've taken this opportunity to charge at us with all their strength. The last of the Thalmor Inquisitors are coming at us with the full strength of the Aldmeri Dominion's army. I fear that we will not survive to see the end of the day, my husband still thinks otherwise.

The images of the Aldmeri Dominion conducting massive warfronts with the Stormcloaks and the Imperial Legion a few miles from Solitude kept running in my head while I ate breakfast. I wanted to keep track of the battlefield. To their credit the Stormcloaks were really pulling out every trick they had on the Aldmeri Dominion. The Imperial Legion was showing an equal ferocity alongside the Stormcloaks. For the moment, they were holding the Aldmeri Army at bay. For how much Ulfric and General Tullius hated each other, they worked together very well. But, so far everything was still playing as I had already seen it play. Hopefully, everyone is right and it won't lead to everyone dying.

I watched in the back of my head, fireballs launching from catapults from both fields of battle. Ulfric and his Nords were out in front of the battle, tackling the Aldmeri Army front on, while Tullius hit the sides of the warfront with archers. It wouldn't be long before Councilor Fiirnar (not to be confused with the Fiirnar I dated, which is his son) marched up on his steed and changed how the battle would have been fought. His remaining Inquisitors would ban together and force both armies to fall back to the gates of our town.

Once breakfast was completed, I stood up and quickly made my way to the throne room. Ruby and her daughter, Ja'rinqa, waited patiently. They were fully dressed in their crystal armor. Ruby bowed to me and said, "High Queen, the Crimson Blades are at your disposal. Order us and we shall commit our forces to the battlefront."

I shook my head. "And once again, I will not allow you to go out there. I still want you and your guild to leave while you can."

"Your mother did not believe in running and neither do I, milady." Ruby glared at me, almost hissing in anger. "I don't care how long you've lived in horror; you're not the same girl that I learned to respect. The Cecilie I knew would have tried to at least dodge this bullet, or at least hit it full force."

I sighed in defeat. Time for me to say what I dreamt saying a long time ago. "Then, go, Ruby. You win. Go out there and fight until you see fit to return."

Ruby turned around and started for the exit. "Ja'rinqa, stay here and protect the High Queen." She unsheathed her diamond katana and flashed for the door. "I will return when I have Fiirnar's head on a pike."

My husband looked over to me. "You told me that she'd try to fight your decision to run."

I nodded. "And I told you what I'd tell her. And now, it's your turn." I looked over to him. "Take Lydia…and run."

He shook his head. "And once again, not without you."

I looked ahead to the doorway. It wouldn't matter what I said after this, it would still lead to what happened next. I sighed and looked back at him. "The Psijic monks told me that trying to fix the current of time is dangerous. If I fight back…I don't know what will happen." I shook my head. "I will not do anything to change my fate. You have decided to fight back, that is your right. But, I have been forbidden to do so. I have the power to do a lot…but I must not use it." _No matter how much I want to._ I looked down at the floor. I wanted so bad to fix this, to go back in time and do what was necessary to save us all, to give us all a happy future. But…I couldn't do it. _Changing the past will lead to more pain for others in the future._ I had to remind myself.

He only smiled at me before patting his sheathed katana. "And if they even make it this far, I'll be sure to run them through myself."

I tried to smile at his comment. I closed my eyes as the castle started shaking. "They have breached the main gate."

He looked over at me. "Impossible. Ulfric told me he'd hold them at least a day or two."

"He thought he would. He wasn't expecting to find Vampire Lords in the frontlines. I warned him about the Vampire Lords but he refused to accept that they existed. General Tullius was betrayed by one of the high elves in his Legate ranks. He was stabbed right before the Vampire Lords changed. With both leaders taken out, their armies fell to pieces. Whatever remains retreated to the main gate's long corridor, where archers waited to hit the Aldmeri Dominion's forces. Catapults destroyed the wall supporting the main gate. It fell onto the soldiers waiting. The only thing holding the Thalmor away are the Crimson Blades, the original Blades, the reserve Imperial Guard, and the town guard now." I blinked away a tear before I said, "Ruby will die in less than a minute."

He looked at me horrified. "How can you just…sit there and accept this? How can you sit on your throne and not do anything? You're a Psijic! The magic you can create can end this whole war."

"I have been forbidden to do anything." I looked sharply at him. "How many times must I say this? Psijics told me to do NOTHING to change the course of fate. This is what I've seen, everything is on the path that was set in motion. I've dreamt of this day for _years_. I know exactly how it plays out, in every level, in every aspect, in every detail. And if you still don't understand what I mean…think of it this way. The Psijics told me that the Elder Scrolls were a tool of the divine to show us what was planned for us. What I've seen is the will of the gods. What can I possibly do? Defy the Gods?"

The doors to the castle blasted open and the remaining Shoutmen I had were rushing through, their costumes torn and covered in elven blood. Dragonwing, the leader, bowed to me. "Milady, Crimson Master Ruby Battle-Born has fallen to an Inquisitor. Her guild is giving it all it has but…we're moving you up to the tower for protection."

I stood up and looked at Ja'rinqa. "Come up to the tower with me."

Ja'rinqa looked as angry as ever. Her scaly Khajiit tail flicked and her webbed claws reached for her sapphire katana. She unsheathed the katana and looked to the entrance. "And let them just run up and kill you up there? Fuck that!" She headed for the door. "I'll hold them off while you…what have you always told me? Oh yeah…keep the Battle-Born clan alive." She spun around, glaring daggers at me. "I never believed you, you know. I always thought we could survive this. And we would have…if you just got off your ass to help us help you. But no! Your pity party has killed us all!" She headed for the door. "Besides, I'll see you one last time…if I remember correctly."

More Crimson Blades retreated into the castle. I could see the Inquisitors bull-rushing through the crowd to get to me. One pushed past everyone and aimed himself at me. His once proud skin was sickeningly paled and blistering, patches of skin peeling off with rotting muscle underneath. His eyes looked bloodshot and I could see blood and puss foaming at his lips. This is what happened to the failed experiments known at the Thalmor Inquisitors. This is what they had become. "YOL TOOR SHUL!" The Inquisitor shouted to me, his voice booming.

Fire streaked from his mouth and raced over to us, a giant arc of steel-melting fire. Dragonwing jumped in front of me, spreading his arms out. The giant pillar of fire split in half, flying away from me, crashing into the wall behind me. Dragonwing stood there, taking up a defensive stance. "High Queen, quick. Run!"

Ja'rinqa spun around the Inquisitor getting ready to launch another round. There was a fast flash of bright blue and the Orc exploded into a bloody mess. Ja'rinqa spun around, cutting down several Thalmor archers preparing to shoot at me. When she finally caught a break, she spun to me and screamed, "Get the fuck out of here!"

My husband grabbed me and started pushing me up to the staircase. He looked over to Dragonwing and said, "Get her out of here."

Dragonwing nodded to him and said, "What about you, sir?"

He looked over at me, his eyes growing with concern. He finally found a smile and said, "I'll stay down here and prove to my wife that I can change fate."

I bit off my response and allowed Dragonwing to push me up the staircase. The rest of the Shoutmen, minus two helping the remainder of the Crimson Blades, followed the two of us up the tower. We ran as fast as we could. The sounds of battle really started to intensify as we got higher and higher up. When we arrived up in my bedroom, I found my old friend, Babette, waiting for me. She was holding my new born daughter, only a year old at most.

Babette sighed as she handed Lydia over to Dragonwing. "I always knew that it would lead to this."

I smiled at her. "You always believed me."

She crossed her arms and looked away. "Yeah, I wonder why? Maybe it's because I've been alive for almost 600 years now!" Her wings sprouted for her back and she floated up to see me eye-to-eye. "Am I to guess this is the part where you tell me to run and I turn down your offer?" I nodded; she smiled in return. "Well, I'm glad we at least established that." She stuck out her hand. "We've been friends for 600 years, Lilly. I won't run now. I'll gladly die by your side. An old friend once said that we all have a time and a place that we die. My gift was that I got to choose it. And this is me choosing it. If you are going to die, I will be right beside you."

"Babette? I…I never met you before my birth." I responded, now confused.

She looked at me like I was a moron. "You never went back to the Aedra Wars? Or…" She paused before understanding took her. "Oh…well, this is embarrassing. You're not the same Cecilie then."

I grabbed her by the arms, my voice almost cracking. "What? You met me before?!"

She nodded. "Yeah…we're really old friends. I…I thought you knew!"

I paused for a second, letting her go. I walked over to the window and gazed out it. I allowed my thoughts to drift…back to the Aedra Wars. I scanned Erandur and Babette, searching for me. And…I found me. I was there, dressed in Mithril Battlemage armor. And…I was fighting. But…why? When did I do this? This wasn't me! But…I it had to be. Was I supposed to go back and do it now? For once in my new understanding of how the world worked…I was confused. So…damn…confused.

I don't know how long I stood there and watched this new Cecilie as she did what she did. No, it wasn't me. She was younger than me. In fact, I'd say she was sixteen, the same age I had completed my Psijic training. But…she was no Psijic monk. She seemed different, more relaxed, more…prepared, and more rebellious of what I had learned. She was a new me. And she existed in the ever flowing time stream. But…that also made no sense. Was my time and hers connected somehow? But…that made no sense. Only I could exist…I'm the one and only. Why couldn't I make sense of this?

…

"Princess!" Graybeard said to me as he grabbed me by my hand. It snapped me out of my trance, but now I was trying to make sense of what would happen if I tried to change my present. If she could do whatever she wanted to fix the past…why couldn't I? I…I could do something here and now to change it.

I looked back at Graybeard. He was a young man about my age. I started scanning his future. He had a long way to go, but only if I got him to leave. He needed a damn good reason, as did they all. They wouldn't leave without me…but…what if I gave them something just as important as me? I don't know how on Nirn Graybeard was going to live an extra 99 years, but he was going to do it. I saw him with Bloodstain, still alive, very old, but still alive. He would become Bloodstain's mentor. The very man I wished I had here with me. And with Erandur leading the Imperial Army and the Stormcloaks, we could have made a difference. We could have won. But…it was too late.

"Princess!" He screamed again. "We need to leave. The Thalmor are already inside the palace!"

I looked for any chance of me escaping. I still found myself standing in my spot. I could not run. It was too late. I shook my head. "No…I'm not leaving." I said back to him. "It's too late for me. If I stay here, it will at least slow them down. But if I leave, they'll only follow us…and then they'll learn about Lydia." That was it, then. I had to die so that my daughter could live. This was all about her. I scanned her life and saw that she'd become a Shoutman and eventually raise two children, both of which would be killed, but not before one of them got married and produced another daughter. That daughter would join Bloodstain and fix the world. They would restore Skyrim and drive the Aldmeri Dominion out of Tamriel once and for all. This was how _I_ would win.

I looked down at my baby daughter. She was wrapped up in Dragonwing's arms. Graybeard nodded to me. "Yes, ma'am."

I looked back to the other Shoutmen, all six of them. The six Shoutmen standing here with me were the only ones left. I smiled to them all and said, "It has been an honor. And no matter what happens today, you've all served me the best you could. Now, it's time you serve someone else." I looked over at Dragonwing, the strongest of all my Shoutmen, and the oldest. "Dragonwing, you're now the leader of the Shoutmen. Now, listen to my final words. Take Lydia, keep her safe, and keep her existence hidden. Tell her about me…about us. And tell her…one day the granddaughter of the Summoner will free Skyrim."

I pulled out my collection of journals and handed them to everyone. "Shadow journals. Keep them close, project yourselves into them. Write you own. Doing so will leave an imprint of yourselves onto this world. If you keep your journals safe and passed down, you'll never truly die. Now, the other journals I gave you are my family's. One of them is mine, one of them is Ruby's, and the last one is my mother's. Keep them close, make Lydia read them. Make sure they're always protected. And yourselves as well."

Dragonwing nodded to me. "Yes, Princess. We'll be leaving now."

Just as he said that, the door leading into the hallway exploded open. Ja'ranjha came running in, grasping her bleeding arm. Her crystal dagger was hanging off her belt and I could see the life draining from her eyes. "Cecilie. I couldn't keep them back anymore. I barely escaped."

I nodded to her, patting her on the shoulder. I nodded to my Shoutmen and said, "Go, leave with them."

She looked confused for a second, but then I saw her scaly eyes sharpen. She was one of the only mixed-bred Argonian/Khajiit. She had fur like a Khajiit, a body too, but she had tougher skin and small gills along her neck. She had orange-ish fur that had a green tint to it. She could breathe underwater. The Ka Po'Tun referred to themselves as tigers transforming themselves into dragons. We referred to it as a crossbreed between lizards and cats. Ja'ranjha was a Ka Po'Tun by law and by genetics. She still considered herself Khajiit, though. Mostly because it was her mother that raised her and not so much her father, who was already dead. You can blame Astrid for that, though. She tried to strike a bargain with the Aldmeri Dominion. It ended with the Dark Brotherhood's destruction.

Ja'ranjha looked at me like I was crazy. She hissed with annoyance and said, "I am your friend, Cecilie! I'm not leaving your side. If you stay, I stay."

I shrugged at her and said, "I already knew that you wouldn't anyway. But if you stay here…you will die." I looked back at my Shoutmen and said, "You'd better be going now. Behind that wall is an escape tunnel. Surrounded by malachite: it can't be touched by magic. Just go as fast as you can. Wuld the entire way if you're able. Don't turn around, do not come back. And finally, do whatever it takes to survive."

Dragonwing nodded to me. "It will be done." With that he turned and headed off to the wall. He pulled the lantern down and the wall opened up. Quickly my Shoutmen started running through the wall. Once they all vanished, I took my time and walked up to the wall, closing it behind them.

Ja'rinqa hissed in annoyance. "Why couldn't you just leave with them?"

Babette looked over at her. "They would just follow her. Cecilie would be hunted every day until she was found. This way her daughter will live to fight another day. This way…the true line of Battle-Borns will live on."

Ja'rinqa sighed. "I guess I should have left then. But…" She looked down. "They saw me run up here. They'd wonder where I would have gone." She looked up at the doorway.

We could hear the footsteps of the soldiers marching up to find us. I took a deep breath as I patted both my friends on the shoulders. This was it. If I had only a few minutes left, I might as well spend it staring out the window. I walked up to the window and glanced out. The entire city of Solitude was burning to the ground. People outside were being rounded up in groups. Whatever remained of the civilians that did not want to evacuate were being harassed by the Aldmeri Army. All the women and children were being ushered off, while the men were being executed on the spot. What happened? Why did it end up this way? And why was there a version of me running around messing with the time stream?

I shook my head. Why had I let it end up this way? I had always known it would, if not only as a dream first. But once I understood my gift, I failed to respect it. The Psijics had it wrong. If the future was rotten, why wouldn't we change it for the better? They broke their own rules before, to stop an exploding Eye of Magnus. Why couldn't I keep myself from dying? Or maybe kill Fiirnar before he took over Black Marsh and Elsweyr? Why? Maybe this version of me was an alternate path, a path I failed to see before it was too late. If only I could reverse time. I could leave now, but…then I'd only come back to this. It wasn't fair to just ditch this timeline and my friends. No…I dug this pit, I might as well lie down in it.

The door shattered into a thousand bits of wood and Ja'ranjha hissed out as she unsheathed her crystal dagger. She charged forward, only to be welcomed with a loud _bang!_ Ja'ranjha's head rocked back and she fell to the ground, a giant steaming hole right in the middle of her forehead. On the other side of the door was the nightmare of my dreams. And he held the hand-cannon that killed my best friend. As I always knew it would.

I looked at the Thalmor standing in my room. It was Councilor Fiirnar, sent here when diplomacy failed 19 years ago. He was the leader of the army that had started taking us by storm. Right after he took the Imperial City. Luckily for him, the Emperor had already been assassinated in Skyrim. It gave him all the right to put us in our place. It was a 'punishment' for killing the Emperor of our great empire. Yeah right. Just more political bullshit to kill us.

The great councilor smiled at me, his fangs brushing out of his mouth. "If it isn't the High Queen Cecilie Battle-Born. You look…like you were expecting me."

I nodded. My body was already following the same routine that I had lived every night since I started having nightmares. "I have been. I cannot change my fate."

He paused to look at the little vampire standing by my side. His smile vanished. "Oh, if it isn't the little tramp that bit my hand all those years ago."

Babette hissed and flashed her fangs at him, bringing her wings out. "I should have killed you when I had the chance!" She flashed up to him as a stream of bats, materializing on the back of his shoulders, digging her claws into his back. "You were lucky I was just a little girl back then! I didn't have the guts to kill you! But I'm much older now! I can fix my mistake."

Fiirnar stuck his hand-cannon up to Babette's head. She didn't have time to react. He pulled the trigger and her lifeless form fell from his back. Fiirnar paused for a second to pull out a knife and stake her in the chest. Babette's body started turning to ash. Fiirnar turned to look at me, tossing his hand-cannon aside. "I only had two rounds left. You'll have to forgive your friends…they took the fast and easy way out. You'll have to suffer now."

I growled at him, my throat already tensing up. "I've suffered for 11 years. You can't scare me anymore. Today…I'll finally be free."

He stared me like I was a small puzzle. But he shrugged and showed me his fangs. He smiled and charged up at me, sinking his teeth into my neck. I felt the scorching pain that I lived through my entire life. When he yanked my throat out…I stopped thinking, I stopped feeling pain. I think I was finally free. Too bad it had to come to this, though. If only I had known earlier about this other me. I could have done so much to fix this.

* * *

_**Cearbhail**: The next chapter is the final chapter. Yup, one left._


	3. Ch 3: Her future

**Cearbhail:** _Chapter three. The final act of this story._

* * *

The first thing that occurred to me was that I was dead. That and my body was back. When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded in nothing but white. There was no floor, no ceiling. It was just a white gravity-less nothing. As my eyes started to focus, I could see tiny thousands of these small floating worlds, all Nirn, all spinning around in their natural rotations. Where was I? This wasn't Sovngarde!

I paused to push a deep breath out. I was hoping that when I died that I would be able to…I don't know…at least see my friends in the afterlife. Spend the rest of my eternity with my husband, my parents, or mother at least. Go to the grasslands and hang out with Ruby and her daughter. You know, the afterlife stuff. So…why was I floating around a white room filled with small palm-sized Nirns?

I allowed a small invisible sigh out. Well, I could say that this was a fitting punishment for someone who had the ability to change the world but didn't use it. I guess I didn't deserve to see my friends because I led them all to their deaths. I lived my life as I knew it was supposed to be. I should have no regrets, but there were so many. I had the power to change my fate. I had the power to do right what was so wrong. If only I had taken the chance. If only.

"Then why don't you?" I heard a light voice call from behind me.

I snapped myself around, my body turning in some floating manner. Standing a few feet away from me was Quaranir, one of the Psijic monks that had taught me why changing the past was so bad. He was holding onto one of the small floating worlds, running one of his fingers over the glass-like covering it had.

"Quaranir?" I asked. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled and started walking around the nothing, still holding onto the Nirn in his hand. "You have passed your test, little one. You listened to us, even when you knew that it would lead to your death. Your initiation to the Psijic Order is complete. Everyone you see here has lived and died in a similar manner that you had. This is a quality we look for before selecting a Psijic monk. One who has seen the vileness of the world and wishes to change it, but doesn't…because they understand the way the world flows. So…congratulations…if you can call it that…are in order. Now, onto the question at hand. You wish to change what has happened. Do not try to contradict me…we wouldn't be speaking if you did not have some regret. So, you wish to make _your_ history better? Why not also help others who's past have been worse off? Why only fix yours?"

I shook my head. "I _do_ want to change my fate, but it's wrong. If I can do it, other people should be able to as well. It's not fair to only fix your own life and leave others in the dark. And if everyone could change their fate, the world would be a chaotic place, no one would fail at anything but that by itself would be unbalanced. Too many people living with success and no one failing…the world wouldn't be able to handle it. That's why balance exists. Why people die and new people are born. Why everything is the way it is."

Quaranir smiled. "That is what we would want you to believe. That some people must suffer for others to live life happily. And for the most part, that balance exists. But, where do we draw the line? If one man can be so cruel as to destroy an entire race, enslave them, punish them for no reason, and then execute them brutally…is that too much? Should he be able to do so, or should someone put him down? And if someone knew what he was capable of, of what he would do…do we have the right to kill that person before he does these acts? Before he plants the seeds of hatred, murder, unjustified racism for not only his generation but several generations that follow? Is that balanced?"

I shrugged. This was a normal test question that the Psijics drilled into my head since I was eleven. "But if he hasn't committed the acts yet, then he isn't guilty of doing it. If history could change like that, maybe he'd make a different choice. Change his _own_ fate. Not to mention, we don't know what would happen if that person died. Would there still be a massacre? Would something just as bad happen to someone else? Maybe killing him will produce an imbalance that can't be fixed. Changing the past will only lead to more pain for others in the future. It's about balance."

He paced around the room, frowning at me now. "Balance? This man…kills an entire nation of people, enslaves them…you call this balance? How is that balanced? Who benefits from that? Other than the person pulling the strings." Quaranir looked at the Nirn in his hands. "The question being stated happened in a world far away from our own, it a history that is not known to us. A war so grand in size that it drew in every country around their world. They all act to silence this _one man_ who has decided that a race of men was to become extinct. For years he got away with it. But somehow, he ended up dead. Killed himself. Balance was preserved, but if he hadn't died…what would have happened? The entire world acted to kill _one man_. Millions died…just to kill one. So, what could have this world been like if they didn't have to worry about killing him?"

I sighed. It was true. I didn't see anything balanced about it. It just seemed wrong. "Ok, maybe you're right. But, changing the future can have adverse effects. You taught me this very vividly. So…I would choose to not change it. I would let the history play out as it had been written."

Quaranir shook his head, pacing around. "But _choosing_ to not change this event will still reflect the _ability_ to change it in the first place. Now you're pretending that the power you possess is better off being not used at all. You're actively choosing to keep fate this way…in this blacked state of misery. All the lives that die because of this one event, lives that you could save…will all blink out because you actively decided to look the other way and shrug. While snapping your fingers could result in a longer peace for all."

"And choosing to change fate will be a slap in the face to the Gods, who also have all the power in the universe to halt it from happening. You're saying I should play God and choose how history will write itself?" I screamed at him. I had no idea just how adamantly I felt about this. "Such power can be disastrous. I could become easily greedy and fix every little mistake that I wanted to fix. It would leave a trail that would eventually create something bad in return!"

Even though I was fighting so hard to prove what he taught me to be true, I secretly wanted to go back and change my fate. But I didn't want to go back because that would mean that I would have to live through that life again. All that misery of my dead mother, my inattentive father. I'd have to slowly watch him die at his bedside, while he still ignored my very presence. Not even a last word for me. And if I screwed up, I'd still be looking at a vampire glaring at my throat like it was a chew toy. Still the same past, the same result, the same pain. Only to come back here and do it again. No, I'd rather just move on and relax.

Quaranir smiled at me and nodded. "You did learn well, little one. Too bad you have not learned the lesson we intended for you to learn." He walked up to me and said, "If the gods did not want you to change history…would they have given you the ability to do so? Your finding of the Elder Scroll was not coincidence. You were driven by fate, by the hand of Akatosh. Everything happened the way it was supposed to happen, but there were always hints that it didn't need to be. You saw the future, not just your own, but the world's itself. If the Gods are willing to let the world slip into such a massacre, then I shake my head at the possibility that the Gods do not have our best intentions in mind." He looked back at me, saying, "Your own husband was a gift to you. He tried to change your mind. All your friends did."

Quaranir waved his hand and the images of my friends started appearing. My husband appeared as a wisp of smoke, his face shifting but still detailed. "How can you just…sit there and accept this? How can you sit on your throne and not do anything? You're a Psijic! The magic you can create can end this whole war."

The smoke shifted over to Ruby, who looked as angry as ever. "Your mother did not believe in running and neither to do I, milady. The Cecilie _I_ knew would have tried to at least dodge this bullet, or at least hit it head on."

Then the face of the six year-old Ja'rinqa formed in the mist. It was the first time I had woken up from my nightmare with her dying. "Oh dear sweet gods…Rinqa…I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's never happened like this before."

She looked questioningly at me, arching one of her eyebrows. "Oh? What's wrong?"

"You…you…" My old nine year-old voice rung in the air. "You were killed by the same man that killed me."

She paused and looked at me, her eyes glaring into mine. She finally pushed off my bed and crossed her arms. "Well, if you're just going to sit there and let me die…then I won't be your friend anymore."

"I can't control it." My avatar screamed.

She turned to face me. "Sithis poo! If you wanted to keep me alive, you could! You're dreaming of my death because you won't!"

Quaranir let the images fade. He smiled at me and said, "I think those speak for themselves. But…there is one more memory I'd like to dig up."

The smoke redeveloped into…me. I was standing on some tower next to…Bloodstain. "Because it's before my birth. I am willing to disobey the rules of the Psijics to bring people from the near past and the near future to help me in my time…but even I am unwilling to go back in time to change the past in a distinctive way. I may go back and help others do what they are doing and offer support, or even nudge toward something that will improve their time. But I will not change the past myself. Even so…" My avatar's eyes started tearing up. "I do not want to die like this. It does so much bad. Even if _you_ fix it…_I_ am still the cause. I can change it, we can stop it. This future never has to be so dark. And I don't have to die…not yet."

The smoke shifted over to me…again. The same young me that I kept seeing in my mind right before I died. She was standing in front of a bound Fiirnar (the son I dated). "Fiirnar, your father would go to the ends of Tamriel to find me. If he knew I was here, he would destroy all of Skyrim just to make sure I'm dead."

"Yes, he would. I could totally believe that he would do something like that." Fiirnar nodded. "Which is why I _can't_ let him know that you're still alive." He looked down at the ground. "The Aldmeri Dominion upholds peace above all. If my deranged father, who oversaw the destruction of the Imperial City, found out that his number one hit is still alive…the entire country of Skyrim would be burnt to the ground…just to sate his anger at a teenage blind girl that whopped his butt during the Aedra Wars. The damage that would follow his conquest to kill you would lead to too much unnecessary death. I can't let anyone do something so vile. Especially if it was only done so that one teenage girl who…captured my heart five years ago during a spring fling would die."

Finally Quaranir looked over at me. "There is just…one more thing I'd like you to hear." The smoke started to shift. I could see my father. He stood near a pile of rocks.

"You are right about one thing: I am just one man. That's all any of us are. We are just one person. That didn't stop Talos. That did not stop the Champion of Cyrodiil, the Nerevarine, nor anyone else who changed history. Every time our history demanded change or face annihilation…it was one person who stood up and took the attack head-on. It was that _one person_ who weathered the storms, pushed others to fight alongside him. All it takes is one person to stand up when all the chips are down. When times are tough, _one person_ is all it takes to fix history." My father called from the ground, screaming at something I could not yet see.

Quaranir let the smoke fade away. "That was your father, before he lost his soul to Alduin. You should know what he's like; you spent a lot of time around him after all."

I nodded. "Yeah, that was Daddy, alright." I started wondering what this was really about. There had to be a better reason than just to say what I did wrong in my life. I mean, I was accepted as a Psijic Monk. That meant that I was going to stand in a room with other monks and _not_ do anything useful. Just like I was already doing anyway. So, since I didn't have a clue as to why we were standing here, arguing like this, I decided to roll my eyes. "And what's the point of this story? Are you just going to stand here for all eternity and tell me this stuff?"

Quaranir nodded. "If it takes that long, yes. I have a point that I want to drive home and you do not understand the full meaning yet. Now, I know you found out that another you existed and affected your time-stream. Any questions about that?"

I nodded. "Yeah, who was she?"

"You, the one that told us to go fuck ourselves. When she completed her Psijic training, she told us that we were wrong and that she had to go fix the world. It was her duty since she knew what it would become." Quaranir offered the world that he held in his hand. When I didn't take it, he shrugged and gazed down at it. "That Cecilie existed in the parallel world that I hold in my hands. I've been watching her progress since she defied our orders. I watched her go back and help all her friends. She changed her fate. Her world leaked into yours well…every world, at least in the parts that you were not actively participating in. The rule of the soul is that you cannot exist in two spots at once. You cannot travel where you already are. She wanted so bad to come to your aid and protect you but…she was unable and resigned to wish you luck on your journey, instead."

"And…" I said. I had to admit, I was thrilled to hear that she was able to do it. To succeed where I failed, but…that did not help the fact that it still wasn't _me_ that did it. "That's like me having a birthday and getting a spanking while my twin sister gets cake and presents. It's nice to see her getting a good life, but…that I still have a sore butt."

Quaranir actually laughed. "That's a good way to look at it. But…what if every you in existence were to become exactly the same. Be able to push the reset button at the end of their life and go back and fix it? You think I'm the only Quaranir talking to you? No, I'm in every world that you see here, talking to every single one of you at your expiration date. That Cecilie had the guts to defy us from the start. She didn't have to die first. But I've seen how her world ended up. And now…I've chosen you, Cecilie Battle-Born…to join the Phoenix Circle, an order that I'm a recruiter for. It is a group within the Psijic Monks that exist to help others reclaim their fates."

I stood there. This….this was really happening? I was going to go back and what? Go die again and again? No, it was different. He was offering to give me a change to change all that. I had to be sure first. "What exactly are you talking about here? I go back and…what exactly?"

He shrugged. "You change your fate. And, no…before you ask, you will not just wake up as a baby and know what you already know. No, we have more…interesting ways of informing you. I will be your guide. As was before when you exited the portal and was harassed by me and my colleagues, this time it will only be me. And I will train you to become something else. Not a Psijic Monk but a Phoenix. And this position is not a one-time offer. This is for the rest of your lives. You may push the reset button every time you die. You may finally rest in peace when you've come across the life that you are willing to accept. But until then, you must keep going back and see if you can do it right the next rotation."

"But…that means that I'll just wake up to a dead mother an apathetic father again, won't it?" I asked. I had to know if I could change more than just my death.

He smiled. "It will take possibly three lives to fix all your mistakes. The first life will have to go back and be born from the same situations. That life will have to go back in time and fix your parents past. She will possibly still raise an army and be killed, or maybe she'll live to the end of her days. Maybe she'll accept fate as it was and move onto the next life. Perhaps not, though. If she decides to go back, it will be to new circumstances. The second life will be born from actual parents but I will have to show up and teach that life about what needs to be done. She will have to go prepare an army. That will save her life from being killed. After that, that Cecilie might finally move on and let you all rest in peace. If not, the cycle will repeat. Or perhaps that Cecilie will go back to the source of it all and kill Fiirnar. Perhaps it will happen sooner. But doing something like that would result in such a different life for everyone you knew. Nothing would be the same. If she didn't like that life, she could choose to not go back and kill Fiirnar at the beginning of the Aedra War. The possibilities are endless but they often only get better for everyone involved in that person's life."

"What about all the people that died? Are they going to reset like me?" I sure hope so.

He shrugged and gestured to all the floating worlds. "These worlds here are all different lives. There are billions and billions of them. Some of them involve you, some don't. The ones that do will accept you coming into them, but only at your birth. You'll be moving from world to world when you die and decide to try again. It's never the same one, but let me make this clear." He grabbed me by the shoulders. "What you do will permanently affect the next world you settle in. It will take the history of what you did to the past world and morph it accordingly. These worlds here are possibilities for change. You touch one and it will take the changes you made. Before you're born the history will play out as how you changed it. If you choose to leave upon death, your spirit will not stay in this world and you can never go back to it, nor will the spirits of your friends follow. But they will be affected in the next life that you choose to settle in. No, you'll be like a wanderer, looking for the right place to settle down. Until you find happiness, you can't stop. That is the price of being a Phoenix. But when you do accept your final resting place, you can never leave that world either. But then…you shouldn't care either way."

I nodded. "Ok, I think I understand. So, in a way, my friends will come with me."

He nodded. "They will know the stuff your previous lives did. Just like how Babette knew who you were before you were born. She already acknowledged the previous Cecilie who existed before you did. Well, at the same time, but traveled back to a time further than you did. She affected the change you could not. You would be the second life right now and you could have changed it so that you would be born to normal parents, but since your spirit hasn't done this…you cannot take what another you has done for credit. You will have to follow her path…almost exactly if you want to win. Are you ready to begin?"

While I stood there, Quaranir pulled another world out from behind his back. He stuck his hand out, offering it to me. "All you have to do is touch this world and will yourself to be given…another chance."

I reached out to the world. I could just turn around and go to my afterlife. I could be happy with everyone laugh about how I was right and how they were wrong. But…something stopped me. I…I could make this better. I knew I could. I touched the orb and pushed my will into it. "Give me…another chance!"

* * *

_**Cearbhail**: Yay, it's over. The character will become in the next life the Cecilie that goes around in the Chronicles of Lydia. She is also the one that appears in the Rogue Shadowscale and in the Shoutmen...both as the blind healer, Bloodstain's dreams, and as the one that recruits him. That Cecilie is very busy and in a hurry to fix everything. The third life will be a story all its own. The Chronicles of Cecilie the Seer. Won't be out for a LONG time. Very long time. I'll be amazed if I'm alive to post it. But it's up here._


End file.
